we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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