he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
