I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
