he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
