I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
