do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
