two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
