I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
