is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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