i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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