She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
