Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i will never coherently bang her
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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