dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
