I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
