so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
