We need to start having sex underwater more often.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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