please come you make the beer taste better
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
