guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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