He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
