Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
