yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Are these your boobs on my camera?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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