i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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