He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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