a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
