I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
