I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Randomize
