this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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