her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
