i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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