see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
She's just so happy...and so naked.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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