He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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