I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
