I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
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