She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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