You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
