so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
