Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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