OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
