I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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