I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
