No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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