it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
