Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
