Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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