Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
