giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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