apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
