WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
