Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
