I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
