You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
