The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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