I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
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