If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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