I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
