he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
